Firstly, welcome to the first post on the new look LJLV! This is a redesign that has been a long time coming, but I wanted to make sure I found the right template this time that really embraced everything I wanted for this site. I went through so many different options before finally settling on this one which embraces some of my favourite classic blog features while also simultaneously looking quite editorial and magazine-esque to celebrate the changes in my wardrobe and wider personal life.
Today I wanted to talk to you about the idea of being selfish, and why sometimes it can actually be a) important and b) A Good Thing. I’ve touched very lightly on this point a few years ago, shortly after I moved to London and I figured that now I’ve moved back home again it would be a good time to revisit the topic.
Selfishness is often seen as a negative trait, and it’s true that it can be a very unattractive thing in a person. I grew up an only child and while Mum taught me the importance of sharing as a child, I think sometimes its easy to be quite selfish when you haven’t grown up with any siblings around. I was always the only one after Mum’s attention, the only child at family Christmases and birthdays and therefore inevitably I’ve been used to looking out for number one – me.
This does not mean I can’t be a kind and thoughtful person however. I do of course have my moments as everyone does, but I like to think that for the most part I am a good person whether that be as a friend, a daughter or as a girlfriend. I love showering my loved ones in gifts and appreciation, I enjoy being able to take Mum out for a coffee or brunch and I like to pull my weight around the house (although I can get very lazy sometimes, especially when my mental health is at a low point). I like to support my friends and be there for them as they are for me and I am very much of the mindset that relationships are a two way street – you have to treat people the way that you wish to be treated, things should be equal, there’s no two ways about it.
So when can selfishness become a positive? In my opinion, selfishness is important when it comes to making sure that the path your life is following is the right one for you to be on. While I can be a selfish person, I am also a massive push over and often I will find myself doing things or making decisions I don’t want to make because it will make others happy. This could be something as minor as where to eat tonight or something more crucial such as where to go on holiday or who gets which room in a house share. If you’re trying to compromise on a situation, I am 90% of the time the person who will just back down and accept things – probably because after everything I went through as a child and teenager, I just want an easy life! (Please bring out the tiny violins)
This has often led me into life situations where I have been very unhappy but have been too scared to assert myself and look after my own wellbeing. I established this personality trait of mine many years ago and growing more of a backbone has been a regular New Year’s resolution of mine, albeit one I am yet to truly achieve. This year however, I finally had to stand up and do what was right for me. It was incredibly difficult as it implicated someone I love very dearly and it put them into a negative situation, but I simply couldn’t continue the way I was going – for my own mental health and general wellbeing I needed to make a monumental life decision.
As you may have seen from my recent Life Update video, I am still dealing with the implications of this decision, and this act of selfishness has been in no way easy however it was necessary to ensure that I will be living a happy and fulfilling life in the future. Sometimes we need to think forward a few years and establish if we’re on the right life trajectory before it becomes too late to change it. I live with the fear of lying on my death bed with regrets of things I never did, places I never saw or people I never met and therefore the rest of my 20’s is dedicated to achieving my dreams – getting the career I want, travelling to the countries I dream about, and living the lifestyle that I’ve always wanted.
Ultimately, I think the important thing to take away from this post is actually a saying that crops up a lot on the internet these days – you do you. You only get to live your life once, so live it for you and make sure you’re living as happy a life as you can live rather than living your life for someone else and contributing to someone else’s dreams instead of your own. Only you know what is right for you and sometimes you just have to chase that no matter what.
(As long as it’s not like illegal or putting someone’s life in danger cos y’know, that isn’t cool!)
Anyway, TLDR; you do you babe, live a happy life and chase your dreams!
Until next time….
Bodysuit: Zara | Trousers: Forever 21 | Boots: ASOS | Bag: Love Moschino | Sunglasses: Victoria Beckham
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