I am a creative, first and foremost. I have been for most of my life – throughout school I had little to no interest in academic pursuits (although my grades weren’t bad), give me a paintbrush or a pencil or let me write a story instead and I would be instantly in my happy place. The minute we could choose our options for GCSEs, I spent an inordinate amount of time shuffling between subjects to ensure I could study the most creative subjects rather than having to force myself through another two years of Geography (although learning about the rainforest’s shrub layer did bring many an hour of hilarity to myself and my friends I must admit).
When I went to college, I once again chose only the creative pursuits and ignored any advice from teachers trying to persuade me to choose academic subjects instead of “do you really need to do art as well as media studies Lucy?” and then for university I fixated myself on pursuing photography without doing the art foundation year first despite the logical thing to really be to study media as I was only 2 marks off full marks in my exam.
Post-uni after dropping out in first year due to depression, I went back to do the art foundation year I should have done the first time. I discovered a passion for painting, for tattoo design and met some of the greatest friends I’ve ever had. Then I left, carried on working and got pulled into the pit of admin jobs at sales companies. My creativity didn’t leave me, it was just put on hold for a while until I discovered the world of blogging and well, this little space was created as a way for me to have an outlet away from work, a way to express myself and keep the creative juices flowing. This little blog got me my job in marketing, it is the reason I was able to move to London.
So why am I now second guessing it all?
I’ve worked in Digital Marketing now for almost four years, but I guess you could say I’ve never felt very good at it. I see these other companies coming up with really creative campaigns and yet those ideas never come to me. Granted, those companies probably have entire marketing departments whereas for many of my jobs I have been the only marketer in the company, but it sure does suck sometimes and make yourself second guess your ability. At my current company, we’re so heavily regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority that even though I’m marketing an investment firm I can’t even say the word investment on our company’s social accounts. Trust me it makes marketing it very tricky.
I’m starting to get comments in work from other people about how I’m not creative enough. About how I need to think outside of the box more, and I won’t lie to you, it’s starting to get me down. As someone who regularly thinks she’s not good enough at what she does, to be told that actually I’m not really does cut deep – especially when I’m trying my best. I feel like this beaten down feeling is slowly seeping into my blog and my wardrobe too and this is where I really need to nip the problem in the bud because this space is my lifeline. It’s the only thing that keeps me going some weeks when things are especially tough. The thought of not blogging anymore physically hurts but when you’re so uninspired with your current wardrobe that you can’t piece a single outfit together that you actually like it does start to get you down in the dumps.
Take this shoot for example, I couldn’t decide on anything to wear but I desperately needed to shoot and I also wanted to try my new EGO boots for the first time (although I’m going to showcase them again in a different post because these photos do NOT do them justice, not one bit!). You can absolutely tell I wasn’t feeling myself in the outfit because I think it shows in the photos. The outfit isn’t me, I wasn’t happy but I was feeling this intense pressure to bring you something new rather than a continuation on the theme of joggers & t-shirt/leggings & blazer/jeans and a nice top. I feel like I should be bringing you something new on the regular, something cutting edge and exciting rather than the same old same old.
I tried to get myself out of this funk this evening by stopping and reading some of my favourite blogs and it was a great way to help. Seeing how my favourite blogger babes style their wardrobes is always inspiring and I love seeing them style jeans and a nice top – it made me realise that being uber creative with my wardrobe isn’t always what matters. My journey with fashion and with my blog has been about my personal style, not about couture fashion or anything particularly out of the ordinary. So if my personal style happens to be wearing a variety of different t-shirts on rotation and living in the same pair of joggers I’ve had a love affair with for 4 years then that’s actually perfectly fine. It’s time to get out of my head, give myself a break and wear whatever the hell I want to once again.
And also, maybe, flog most of the stuff I haven’t worn for the past year so that I can go on a huge shopping spree and fall back in love with my wardrobe again too….
T-shirt: Topshop | Jacket: Boohoo | Trousers: Zara | Shoes: Ego