Home. It’s a funny old concept really isn’t it? How one place out of all others feels like yours. It holds all of your memories and possessions, sometimes it’s the place you grew up as a child, but it’s always the place you feel happiest and safest.
When I was a child we moved around a lot. I think our record was 13 houses in 8 years or something ridiculous like that, so while Mum always went out of her way to make sure that each house felt comfortable and special, there was never that continuity of living in one place long enough for it to start actually feeling like home.
When I was about 14, we moved into the house my parents live in now. We’d dreamed for a long time of living in that particular house, and when we saw it come on the market and put our offer in it was a dream come true. 10 years later, and it’s the longest we’ve ever been in a home – the first home I’ve ever actually felt like I have. And this week my Mum told me they’d sold it.
I understand why they’ve had to sell, but I can’t pretend I’m not devastated. I never knew that the last time I went home would be the last time I’ll ever go home. That last Christmas would be the last one I spent there. It will take a very long time for their new house to have that familiarity or comfort for me, and I think that is largely based on the fact that I won’t ever actually live there now I’m in London.
They always say that home is where the heart is, but I guess this situation has me questioning that a little.
My heart is of course with my parents and my dogs who will be at the new house, so why is it that I can’t identify that in my head as home? And that home for me is firmly where I’ve lived for the last 10 years?
Will this ever change?
I feel a little unsettled right now. For the last 6 months I’ve felt like although I want to live in London and I adore it down here, and I love my life and friends down here too, a big part of me missed living at home too. Now I feel like my idea of home is going to have to change and I think it’s giving me some sort of identity crisis – I don’t feel like I want to move back anymore because I know home for me won’t be there.
Have any of you been in this situation and how did you get past the idea of home vs home in your mind? Any advice is more than welcome…
Follow me on: