You may remember me mentioning that I made an impromptu trip back home a couple of weeks ago. Sadly this was because my little doggy was very poorly and none of us thought he was going to pull through, so I rushed up from London thinking it was to say goodbye. Somehow against all the odds he has managed to pull through and I couldn’t be more proud of him, so what had originally started as quite a sad trip home became a weekend to get into the festive spirit with my family as I won’t see them again until the 19th.
I didn’t really realise how much I needed some time away from London though. That first night I slept without the constant rattle of the extractor fan in my flat’s bathroom, without the traffic noise and the constant sirens, and the fact that it’s never truly dark because of all the city lights. I live out in the countryside at home and it was so dark and so quiet that I slept and slept and slept and when I finally woke up at almost midday on Saturday I felt so spectacularly refreshed and ready to take on the day.
We put up the Christmas tree together listening to festive tunes, we went to my favourite Christmas shop to admire the decorations (and somehow avoided spending everything in my bank account on festive decor), and we went out for a family meal at the bar and restaurant that my best friend owns. And throughout the whole thing I realised how much I missed home and how nostalgic I felt for Christmases past, when I still lived with my parents and I had no worries in the world. I could spend my entire monthly wages on Christmas presents for people and not worry about debt, I was happier with my body because I was eating well and exercising regularly and this just made me want to move home so much.
But then I realised that it wouldn’t be the same anymore. I’m nearly 25 now and if I was to move back to Chester it would be to a flat of my own, not with my parents. The opportunities in my hometown are far less than they are in London and I would struggle to find work, let alone a decent salary. I think it was then that I realised that this really is growing up. That knowledge that home will always be home, but really you can’t go back anymore and expect it to be the same as it was.
It made me also realise how much more of an effort I want to make in every day life and in my career now. I’m no longer content with just getting by financially like I have done this year, while all the while worrying about where the next pound is coming from and how I’m going to feed myself towards the end of the month. I’ve recently taken out a loan to pay off my credit card and make my debts more manageable, and I’m working promotional shifts on the weekend for an extra £50 here and there to help make ends meet. But that isn’t enough for me, that isn’t what I want anymore.
I want to be living a life I truly enjoy, in the city I love, with the people I love. I want to work my arse off in 2017 to ensure I never feel like I have done in 2016 again – I’ve realised that in life you get out of it what you put in. This year I’ve put in a half arsed effort into everything, and in 2017 I’m determined to make a change.
Have you ever had time away that’s changed your perspective on things? Let me know in the comments below! Don’t forget to follow me on Bloglovin’ if you aren’t already for Blogmas Day 5 for one of my favourite outfit shoots yet!
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