BLOGGING: WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?

Blogging Advice
Uh oh. ~honest~ post coming up from me tonight guys. Full of what could only be described as word vomit. And 'I just have a lot of feelings'. And also 'this is the first time I've typed without acrylic nails on for four weeks so let's make the most of it'.

So. Blogging.
That crazy weird industry where we're all just kinda floundering wondering what the hell we're doing, how we all fit in, is my latest selfie good enough, how did that girl afford the latest handbag, why did I not get picked for that campaign, wait a minute HOW HAVE MY BLOGLOVIN' FOLLOWERS GONE DOWN AGAIN, and most of all - why do we enjoy doing this so much?!

I would be the biggest liar in existence if I said that part of why I have this blog is not for validation from others. Of course when I post what I like to think is a particularly great set of pictures, or a nice outfit, or an interesting opinion piece, I want to hear nice things from you guys. Of course I want my following to increase. Of course I want to collaborate with more brands and hell if I got offered to write my blog every day as a full time career I'd jump at the chance. It's my hobby, my passion, my brainchild and where I come to relax and de-stress.

I moved flats on Friday and I'm still without the internet (EE you are an absolute angel for inventing your 4GEE Wifi box, it's all that's keeping me sane right now) and the fact that I can't freely update my blog or my YouTube channel whenever the mood takes me is so frustrating. What's more frustrating is that the minute I don't post for a few days because #life my page views plummet, my followers vanish and I'm left wondering what the hell is wrong with the internet that I can't have 4 days break because I'm MOVING HOUSE without everyone getting bored.

I want to keep posting content because I love creating the content in the first place, and when I think back to when I started blogging it wasn't for the huge following or the glittering social media career (although given that was always a perk and a pipe dream) it was for the love of putting these outfits together, taking the pictures and then writing about it on here and sharing my love of it with you guys.

This year has been a funny old year for me - I've gone from feeling comfortable and living at home, to basically falling in love and losing myself and my blogging mojo along the way, to being totally heartbroken, to leaving home and moving to a new city and feeling totally out of my depth in a job that 6 months down the line I still don't feel I'm very good at, to being in a new relationship with a boy who lives hundreds of miles away from me and trying to wrap my head around the fact that I can't just see him whenever I want no matter how much I'd like to, to moving flats again and living with a friend. It's been so up and down all over the place and much as I didn't want it to, my blog has had to take a back seat, and in that happening I've noticed that my following has ceased to grow in any particularly dramatic form.

Rewind a year and I was hitting at least 25 new followers on here a month. I'd rush home from work desperate to catch up on all the latest news on Bloglovin', I'd take part in Twitter chats, I'd indulge in YouTube every day, I'd shop on Missguided all the time and excitedly film my new hauls for you. Now I'm lucky to get one new follower a month. I watch new bloggers setting up and quickly surpassing me in their numbers and I know this isn't a numbers game but at the same time it is - for surely if people like what you're creating it will reflect in your followers, your comments, your engagement?

Does this mean people aren't liking what I produce anymore? I've tried so hard this year to improve my photography, my locations and my writing. I've tried so hard to stay true to myself, my style and my ultimate vision for this space. And yet is it ever really good enough?

Am I good enough?
Where do I fit in here?
I'm the social media executive who can't even grow her own social media. How much of a failure can I be?

I know this is a massive rant that is probably going to piss off a lot more people than it entertains but I guess I just needed to get it off my chest and rant without a purpose.

My internet should be reconnected on Monday, then we can get down to business with the shoots and regular content again. For now, I'm sorry.

8 comments:

  1. I love a good rant and I feel just like this at the moment! Like WHAT am I doing? Sometimes everyone needs a break and we just need to ignore the numbers xx

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    1. I'm so glad I'm not the only one going through this! And I'm glad you appreciated my rant too ^_^ Yeah I definitely agree, having limited internet access this week has actually been quite nice and my evenings have felt so much more relaxed. It's also made me miss blogging for the actual process, not the obsession with numbers xo

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  2. I completely understand what you're going through. I've been blogging for six years and have had the exact same feeling time and time again. Blogging has the ability to really mess with your confidence. I actually had a really big revelation about all this recently though, which you may want to read about.

    http://www.pippasays.com/what-ive-learnt-from-six-years-of-blogging/

    PS x

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    1. I really enjoyed reading your post! I had the same feeling when I moved to Manchester as you did moving to Brighton - that expectation didn't live up to the reality of the situation. That's how I've felt for the last 6 months and the stubborn side of me is refusing to give up because I believe in moving on to bigger and better things, but the other side of me just wishes I could move home with my parents and my dogs again :') It's similar for me with blogging though - a year ago I would have done anything for my blog to look how it does now, whereas now I just wish I still had the enthusiasm for blogging that I had a year ago xo

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  3. These kinda posts are the best kind. Honestly. I feel the exact same way at the moment. Blogging really is a whirlwind of emotions and it's so fast moving that I struggle to keep up. Still, I'ma keep trying x

    www.kirstytalks.co.uk

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    1. Me too! Never give up, just remember what it is that made us start and hopefully it will all fall into place xo

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  4. I can totally relate with what you're going through! For me, when i was doing my year abroad in london, it was so easy to travel, see new places, join in twitter chats, and now that I'm back at home, and in a different time zone, everything is different.
    I still love blogging and youtube though, but well, we just gotta remember why we're doing what we are doing and keep improving on our craft and believe that opportunities will come in due time.

    Keep going girl! <3 sending you moral support from another part of the world over the internet!

    x Carina
    Running White Horses - Travel, Fashion, Lifestyle blog
    YouTube

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    1. Thank you so much for the lovely comment! Definitely going to keep improving what I'm doing and maybe one day I'll make my mark on this crazy industry :) xo

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