BEING UNAPOLOGETICALLY MYSELF

Manchester Blogger
I am a misfit.
Not in the cool, hipster alternative way. I'm not the mysterious girl reading in the coffee shop, nor am I the artist - aware they don't fit in but too absorbed in their work to care. I am neither a introverted musician, or even someone who just lives on the fringes of social groups.
I just don't fit in. Period.

(Disclaimer: I'm not stereotyping any of the above - I know plenty of artists, musicians, and cool mysterious girls and they're all awesome and all totally individual characters. I'm more romanticising the people I wish I could be in my head)

I have friends, don't get me wrong. I have the best friends in the world at home, and when I'm with them I am completely, 100%, un-apologetically me. I don't need to prove anything to them. I can say absolutely anything that's on my mind without worry that they will judge me, they embrace my quirks and love me for the person I've been since I was a kid. They've been there through it all and I love them, but now I'm in Manchester and they're all over the country and things are different now.

I came to the conclusion this weekend that I try too hard. I try too hard with my blog to fit in with the fashion blogger label. I want so much to succeed at this, to take my blogging further, to create content and write every day and yeah, you know what? I'd like recognition for it. I'd be a liar if I said I didn't. I try so hard that I try too hard and what I'm writing isn't me. I don't stand out for the right reasons, and I don't fit in for the wrong ones. Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a fashion blogger, maybe I'm supposed to just be a me blogger. And I'm starting to be ok with that.

Equally I try too hard to fit in at work too. I'm so desperate to make new friends that I think I'm almost making a fool out of myself. Editing my personality to try and fit in with what I think people want from me. I try so hard at work, and sometimes I wonder if I'm really getting results. I want to please people so badly and instead I seem to do the opposite.

So maybe it's time, not to stop trying, but to stop trying to be something I'm not. I have to remember that my existing friends love me for a reason, and I'm so much more relaxed and happy when I'm around them than when I'm trying to be something that I'm not. I even enjoy writing these sorts of posts a little bit more than I enjoy writing my outfit posts, and perhaps that shows too.

So this is me:
  • I'm 23 and I still sleep with the comfort blanket I had when I was a baby. This won't change any time soon because I don't want it to. I sleep better with it, so I want to keep it that way.
  • I spend too much money on clothes and makeup. Way too much.
  • I have a very strange relationship with food and my body image.
  • I have depression and anxiety and a billion other things that make me a little bit neurotic ( but loveable, honest)
  • I laugh too loudly and when I start half the time I can't stop
  • If I get hiccups I get them for about 5 hours at a time
  • I was an international level competitive Irish Dancer for 10 years 
  • But since I quit, I hate exercise
  • I have regular existential crises
  • In my head I live a life like Carrie Bradshaw, in reality I'm a lot different
  • I'd rather read a book than get drunk
  • I have such a bad phobia of being sick that I can't even have raw meat in my flat just in case
  • I write lots and I live in my head always
  • I get stressed too quickly, especially if I can't find something to wear
  • I'm a little bit too in love with Matty Healy and The 1975
  • I am obsessed with my dogs
  • I spend 90% of my life on social media (its my career) and I'm still not convinced I'm very good at it
  • I also doubt my abilities all the time (and my commitment to Sparkle Motion)
  • I like to drop in random movie quotes at any given time (see above)
  • My American accent is horrendous
  • I'm a massive Harry Potter and Tolkein fan
  • I'm a dreamer 
From now on I'm going to be me. Always. And unapologetically.

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11 comments:

  1. loved this post lucy! it takes such character to write something like this and its what makes you YOU and everything you should love about yourself :) I have so many of the same issues as you and haven't even mentioned anything about them online so you're doing a far greater job than me haha xo

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    1. Thank you babe! I've just decided that being myself is definitely the best version of me that I can be, and by hiding that I'm not going to build friendships with a solid foundation like I need! The change of attitude I've had over the weekend has helped me so much today alone so I can't wait to see the positive impact it ends up having if I can keep it up! xo

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  2. sometimes you try too hard to fit in when honestly, you're completely the opposite of what you're trying to project. I know that because I tried too hard to make a huge group of friends during my first year at high school, I wanted a huge group of friends whom I can party with, joke around with after class etc and to my luck, I realized within a month or two of trying too hard that it's honestly pathetic and that I already have such an amazing group of friends although small that love me and care for me and I for them and that I don't need to change myself to suit anyone's needs. Be yourself Lucy because originality is everything and that's what makes you special!
    Supporting you always,
    Zoha x

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    1. Love you Zoha! I adore the friends that I have already, and if they love me for me then one day other people will as well, and maybe I'm just not settled enough up here yet for everything else to fall into place for a while xo

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  3. I know I exactly what you mean, I have always tried to be something or someone I'm not. I am an exceptionally shy person with depression and anxiety and I have let take over my life so I don't really know the real me anymore. We just have to try and be ourselves more and if others don't like it and that's there problem not ours.
    Kelly.

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    1. I know that feeling well - I'm not 100% sure who the real me is either but I know when bits of her shine through so I just have to embrace those and hope that the rest of me will appear one day too! xo

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  4. Lucy, you could have been describing me for the most part of this post. I must say you come across so well in your posts. Relatable, honest and most importantly REAL. Keep being you girl xx

    www.kirstytalks.co.uk

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    1. Thank you SO much Kirsty! You honestly have no idea how much your comment means to me <3

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  6. There's so much emphasise in the blogging world about having your "niche" but bloggers like Llymlrs are starting to scrap that idea and just be unapologetically themselves and it's wonderful, nothing more boring than reading a bunch of blogs by girls that all look the same, post the same things and say the same! Being real is where it's at!

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